i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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