I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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