so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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