sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
