sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
