why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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