I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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