i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
