Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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