The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
