I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I want a musical about memes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
