nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
