butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
