The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
