How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
