The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
