I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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