hotel room ftw
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
