remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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