whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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