i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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