the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
