I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
