It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
