i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
