Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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