i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
