I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
