if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
