I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
