tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
