If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
