Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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