Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
