we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
