just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
