this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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