do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
