No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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