That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
