I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
