Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Panties = found
Randomize
