it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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