How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
