This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
