just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
