Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
