So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
