hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
