I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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