My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
