Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
